Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.