Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.